Letting My Ego Go

I attended a really fantastic yoga class last night at the St Paul Yoga Center. The instructor’s name was Carlton. He lead the class, interjecting it with wisdom and wise cracks. At the opening of the class, he read a passage from a book about the origins of fear and how they are closely tied with our ego’s inability to exist in the moment.

This was my first class at the St Paul Yoga Center, and the first yoga class I have attended in many, many months. Yoga is not my preferred form of exercise, and I was appreciative of the meditative nature of yoga that Carlton was emphasizing in our practice. In particular, the reading’s relevance to my life right now was very compelling.

I am learning to juggle, metaphorically speaking, right now. I have a fledgling business that pulls both myself, my business partner, and our families, in unquantifiable directions. I am in the midst of buying a house with my life partner. I am a naturally sociable person and am scrambling to spend quality time with my lovely friends. In addition, I am constantly trying to improve my health, my happiness, and other amorphous quantifiers. My ‘ego’ is attempting to prepare for all of these things, and I admit to often feeling quite anxious.

Carlton reminded me yesterday that meditation is about being present in the moment. It is easy to feel compelled to focus on the future to the detriment of real-time responsibilities. It is easy to make an excuse for distractedness or aloofness because you have ‘bigger things on your mind.’ But, when I hear loved ones saying these types of things, it always makes me feel insignificant in their lives. To be in the moment is to let those outside things fall away and focus on what’s right in front of you. This is very hard to do. But if I work at it, the people and things around me will be grateful, and I will be more fulfilled.

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